2001-08-01, 8:21 p.m.,

I'm drained. I feel like everything in me has just left.... I'm exhausted and i have so much to do before the family gets here. I have katelyn here tomorrow night, thats be an emotional overhaul in itself, plus my family and not being able to talk to maxine as much as i'll want to. I'm gonna be a mess. I think that nervous breakdown i've been so patient and deserving of is finally in the mail.

Today at work i sat there in this training class and just thought of nothing but her. I'm so afraid now, like really afriad. i think about her all the time, i dont understand how i can be so in love with someone i've never met. its like i'm in love with someone based on everything except the physical elements...hmm i guess that isnt a bad thing, lifes to superficial anyway, its just so uncommon.

So i'm addicted, completely and just when i think that i couldnt possibly love her anymore than i already do, i started thinking about visiting her and how my heart will just be completely at her mercy, not a position i'm used to or one i would choose for myself, but i cant help it. I know, and i seriously know that i'll fall harder for her. everyday i find something more to love about her and can you imagine if i had the physical things about her to love as well? like her mannerisms,the way she looks when she says thngs, oh dear....i've gotten myself into quite the situation.

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