2001-08-09, 7:22 p.m.,

so much to say, my parents are finally gone---YAY!

what else? last night i go in my moms room, and tell her "you know katelyn is more than my roomate right?"

she responds with "yeah , i know, goodnight" never once glancing up from her book......i dont get her...

I had my first family appointment, wow was that overwhelming.....i felt so bad for them, i'm not sure how this whole dealing with grievign families is gonna work with me refusing to deal with abby's death, but we'll see....

The clinic called, i cant do the baby thing, well they said i could, but they wanted to be cautious and reccommend someone else for them. i have internal scar tissue they are arfraid will cause blockage for them to remove the eggs. i guess it wont effect me in anyway, but they were afraid they would cause some blood loss and you know me and bleeding, once i start i cant seem to stop....

I wrote this today think of maxine of course:

irrational

Running my palm

over the soft curves of indecision

and knowing the solitary one

who understands the consequences

of releasing everything you love

for an unrealistic wish

is just as irrational as I.

she sent me flowers today, i was so surprised, i feel so loved, i cant remember the last time i was delivered flowers. my heart feels so heavy when i think of her..

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