2001-09-16, 3:20 p.m.,

i've so much to write and i'm afraid i'll never get it all out. i was having a very thoughtful evening last night and i belive i may have hurt maxine. I'm so afraid i did although i know she'll tell me i havent hurt her feelings, i have a feeling i may have. I'm sorry my love, if thats the case.

I'm thinking of too many things lately, how i miss abby and i dont want to accept that shes gone, like i'm happy being disillusioned into thinking that i might be able to see her sometimes, that i'll have dreams with her in them, i dont want that to go away at all. I'm so afraid once i let that go, i'll begin to forget, i mean its easy to say you wont forget, but as we get older, memories fade, and thats all i have of her, they'll go soon too.

I've noticed katelyn changing so much too and i can thelp feel responsible for that. she never leaves the house anymore, she sits and reads all day and all night. She's stopped eating, just sits in her pajamas with her nose in a book and chain smokes, the house is begining to smell like an ashtray and i cant get her to smile anymore, she just sits and reads....its killing me watching her do this to herself.

I'm feeling quite blah today i guess, i didnt sleep well and i got up early today to go to the outdoor market, i bought this really cool thing for my next aussie parcel, whenever the mail gets running again......

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


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