2001-09-24, 12:19 p.m.,

I just dont understand myself lately..I went out to take photos with Gian and he kisses my cheek, but not like a peck kiss i'd expect from a friend, more of an intentional lingering kinda thing and i'm all instantly uncomfy and over analyzing it. I dont understand why i do this. I guess because he's a boy and i'll never ever be comfy around boys. Who knows.

I miss her so much, i just wish i could be there already., I'm sick of all the slack i'm getting for wanting to be there all this "are you sure? what if you get there and realize you dont like it? how does katelyn feel about it?" um...has anyone realized that its MY decision about MY life and I've spent way too much time already making other people happy. so i'm done. Time to make a decision for myself.

I had my service today and as i'm walking out of the masoleum i see this woman standing on the side of the building crying so i walk over and hand her tissues, she thanks me and still stands there, outside in the rain, so i asked her to at least come under the awning so she wouldnt get wet and be standing in the mud and and says to me "i cant go over there i dont want anyone to see i'm here." and so i just said "ok." and let it alone, then she starts sobbing uncontrollably and walks over and hugs me, so i sat outside with her for awhile and just talked to her, giving her tissues and then i went to my car to get her my umbrella and as i'm walking back she says to me "He was the father of my children and no one else knows that." so i said "its ok, you can stand here. " she dropped it and i didnt ask....

Funny the secrets people keep with them.

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