Last evening....lets see what an emotional rollar coaster. We were on our way to the cinema and i agreed to go to the late movie even though i knew i'd be sleepy. In the car I just kinda turned on my side, pulled my feet up into the seat and closed my eyes, seeing nothing but the headlights of the oncoming traffic behind my eyelids. When i opened my eyes i was watching katelyn drive, just her staring off onto the road singing ani under her breath along with the stereo and i was just looking at her, hair all pulled back in her black leather jacket trying to give that tough outer appearance for what i know is incredibly soft inside. And i remembered what it was that made me fall in love with her, how much i used to love her and i just rested my hand behind her neck fingering her large black curls with my eyes closed just resting and kinda missing the old us, the fun we used to have before this summer before being away from each other caused us more problems then we'd ever imagine. When we got to the cinema they were still waiting to let us in while they were cleaning it and so a bunch of people sat outside in the lobby waiting for the theatre to open and she was talkign tome and i realized i hadnt hear her, or i misheard her but i didnt ask her to repeat herself, why? I guess i just wasnt interested. Pretty bad sign huh, when i dont even care enough to ask her to repeat something shes said to me because i'm just not interested.
Anyway, we were watching the film and it sounds so silly but whenever i see anything that has a psychiatric hospital in it it makes me wonder about abby, this huge part of her life i'll never know about, never understand what she went through, how difficult it was for her, the things she went through, how she was treated. Its silly that it upsets me like it does. But it was enough to keep me awake awhile, just wondering, wishing i could have been there for her through everything.