2001-11-19, 11:43 a.m.,

So i'm struggling today to determine what the worst decision was, coming to south carolina at all or getting on the plane to go back here.

Last night katelyn wanted to talk and she asked me to be honest with her about everything no matter what and so we were talking and she kept asking me all this questions about maxine and my intentions when i get there, if I'm going there just to be with her or what.

Anyway, things are really bad here and i hate it, and i'm starting to really resent katelyn for it, i know shes hurt and i'm trying to understand that, but she gets so angry at me when i tell her i dont want to talk to her about maxine and asks me why i get so defensive about her. Last night i lost it becaus ei was trying to talk to her ane everythign out of her mouth was this smart assed comment designed to hurt me. So finally i just flipped out and told her that if she wanted to talk to me she needed to talk without the little comments or I'm not discussing anything with her. She kept telling me that i was so defensive when it came to maxine and i was like "i am defensive because i love her and i dont want your anger ruining my relationship with her." then she says to me "i just cant believe you have us on equal pegging when i've known you for so much longer and i've put so much more of my life into you and our relationship" and i told her that it wasnt a comparison issue and that although i cared about her, if she put me in a "her or me" situation, which is exactly where i can see this heading, that it wouldnt be an issue for me to choose. I told her that my relationship for maxine was more important to me that trying to maintain a friendship with someone who's hell bent on making me feel bad.

anyway...more job hunting....i hate my life

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