2001-12-05, 1:57 a.m.,

I wonder why all the sudden things happen at certain times, theres a reason for it i'm sure, to allow conversations to take place, people to meet, i mean i know theres no such thing as coincidences...I dunno, I found abby's pictures yesterday and i'm stuck now, thinking about her, dreaming about her. This morning I was half awake half asleep and i swear i heard hher say "dont wake up" like she always used to when shed curl up in bed with me at 3 and 4 a.m. I woke up hearing her voice and obviously she isn't there.

I'm sure finding her pictures caused me to think of her.

Today i was thinking how in just 2 months really its another birthday, the 2nd one since shes been gone. I was thinking how i'll be away in australia when her birthday comes around, I hope i can make it through this year without hiding in bed crying all day, I'd hate to have maxine tolerate melike that so soon after me getting there, and then again in May....maybe i'll be stronger the second time around you know, like the first one i imagine is the hardest.

I just wonder why she thought she could just leave without me ever needing her.

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