2001-12-17, 12:09 a.m.,

second post today, even though it seems forever since i posted the other one.

I got a strange email today from tara, usual stuff, her asking about my life, whats new kinda thing, but she's thinking of moving back to philadelphia and went there for awhile. Ran into Damian at the bar there and he for some reason saw it fit to ask about me (fucker.) Anyway he says something like "we dont talk anymore" and she gives him my email and such. Anyway in her email to me she goes on about how cute she thinks he is and how its to bad he doesnt date girls, blah blah blah. She has no idea. i just wanted to tell her that she should never trust him and certainly never spend anytime alone with him.

So now i'm continually thinking about him and that night and why now, why all the sudden is this back in my life now? do i tell her or not? i dont want to tell her, id rather it all go away, but if i dont and something happens to her its my fault. then she tells me that hes still playing in his band all over philly so i wonder if john is still playing in it too, because hes the only person that knows other than brian and maxine about it. well katelyn kinda knew too, but still he was the only "outside person" to know.

So i was thinking about john and how great he was that night and how i never thanked him for taking care of me like he did. i just remeber leaving and he was sitting outside smoking and playing guitar and he said goodnight and i walked by him and he saw i was a mess and walked me home but i started crying hyserically and i wouldnt tell him what happened although i'm sure he knew because when we got to my porch he grabbed my arm and saw how messed up my wrists were and gave me a hug, then like an hour later he comes back into my bedroom and tells me he's taking me to the hospital, i'm not sure who told him what happened or if he figured it out himself, but we never talked about it since and i just wonder how he can see damian every day and know and i wonder if hes ever said anything...


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My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
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