2002-07-07, 3:51 p.m.,

Is there anything more traumatic than trying on swimsuits? We're off to fiji in October and the swimsuit i have now has been mine for like 3 years and it's terribly worn. Anyway, tried on only 2 swimsuits, then decided to wait and buy the swimsuit in October and save my cash for a gym membership.....blech

I debated a long time on if i should even address this, but here goes: I hate hate hate, and i mean loathe, people who think they know me because they've had a few IM conversations with me. Just a few conversations and suddenly they know all the ins and outs of my personality. I talk to maxie this morning and she sends me this conversation that Emily had with Ruby. Emily, out of this patronizing psuedo- concern for maxine goes on to say how she worries about her because i apparently have this pattern of just taking off whenever i get bored or whatever. Wanna know the truth? About a year ago emily and I talked about how both of us have lived in so many different places and she says to me "we're both the nomadic gypsy types" which i can agree with because travellin gis what i love most. But somewhere along the way she failed to realize why i travel so much, not because i get bored and decide to just dump whichever girl i'm dating and move onto the next, but because it's deliberate situations that send me there.

I moved from NY to Philly to go to collge (no girl involved)

I move from Philly to Arizona, because my job transfered me there. (dated a girl in AZ for a very brief time and then stopped and became insanely homesick for the east coast 6 months after the break-up with the girl i was dating. I hated my job with a passion, and went job hunting)

Moved to South Carlonia ultimately because I was offered a job there. I began talking to Katelyn telling her i was comig there to take said job and wanted to meet up, have her show me around, etc. We spent lots of time together before my move and decided when i came out we'd stay together, as she needed a roomate at her university. When I came out there, we began dating. When I moved out there the company closes and my job falls through. I get another job while katelyn moves 3 hours away to live at home from the summer while university isnt in session and I take a job working at the college in a reseasrch projectm for the summer. I see kayelyn less than 1 day a week, (and only because i drive 3 hours one-way to do it) she's terribly far away, we both werent happy. The funding on the project falls through and my position is cancelled. We both have no money, I couldnt find work there in nearly two months. We hardly saw each other and decided to give it a break for a few months.

I end up talking to maxine during our *break* and instantly fall madly in love with her. we talk all the time..hours on hours...katelyn comes home after 4 months of living away and i tell her that we are probably better to stay apart, as I didnt think it was fair to try to work on a relationship when i was very clearly having feelings for someone else. She's a bit upset, but so was I. I stay there the rest of the year to settle everything (bills, etc.) sell my car, all my worldly possessions, take out any and all money i have saved and invested and move to Aussie land to be with Maxie. I'm happier than I've ever been-ever.

And somehow this turns into me picking up and bailing out over each and every girl i fall in love with, leaving the former one in shambles??? When katelyn and i first broke up I know she and emily spent one night chatting online and katelyn was upset because i told her i was in love with maxie. I think emily (being the lover of bad drama) took whatever katelyn said about being upset with me and turned it into this.

Does it bother me? Maybe a little, although i consider the source and well....

But I guess it's the broader picture that pisses me off. That someone can make a judgement about me based on one conversation with someone who was at the time hurt, and then decide it's her duty to inform everyone of her opinion.

Then again, its emily.

So I break up with someone because our relationship isnt working and i'm miserable living in a city where i cant find work to pay my bills and we cant leave because she's enrolled in university. I break it off because i'm terribly in love with someone and it'd be cruel of me to pretend i wanted to fix things. I break it off with someone because i couldnt stand cleaning blood off her arms and the bathroom floor when she was upset and felt helpless. And I guess that makes me cruel, i guess that makes me selfish, willing to drop what I have for something fresh and new......yep emily, you've pegged me, I'm just like you.

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