2002-07-24, 11:39 a.m.,

It's been raining raining raining all bloody morning. I'm completely addicted to this Strawberry Black Tea, sadly I think it may be caffinated and my weak little ticker might be suffering. I was up a million times a night, pulse racing because my heart's going so fast I can't breathe very well. And this morning I actually woke up hearing myself gasp for air.....hmm..maybe that baboon heart is closer than i think.

Last night Maxie and I were briefly chatting about how we need to seriously start planning out everything we've got going on. In just 5 months time, we'll be married going to fiji and also I'll be lodging my Visa Residency application. All of this, sadly will be eating up a huge amount of money and time, we better get on the ball.

I can't believe I'm going to be married in 3 months. Weird. And I've been thinking so much about how absolutley silly tradition is when it comes to weddings. Both of us, having never been to a commitment ceremony in our lives, were lying n bed last night saying "well what exactly do we do? how exactly does it work?" When setting all this up with the JP lady, she said to me that she wants to sit down with us and see how we want to do things so that she can create a ceremony thats entirely unique to us. It's strange but shouldn't all weddings be that way? Things like buying expensive white gowns and loading the place down with flowers and throwing a bouqet all seems so trivial...why? why is it done that way? Why Saturday afternnons? So I guess we really have the luxury of a non-traditionally accepted marriage. It'll give us the freedom to do what we want to do, make it more or a party than a wedding, do it in the evening, more candles than flowers, if i want a blue dress or a green dress...so be it. One thing's for sure, it's going to be a huge venture, lots of planning to do.

On an entirely different note...i was telling maxie how absolutely clea it has become to me that I just don't belong in my family. I adore my family more than anything, but 2 weeks home with them and I can't find one person like me. It's like that episode of the simpson where Lisa fears she'll become stupid because no one in the simpson family is like her, until she meets her long lost grandmother.....oh grandmom??? And perhaps I've spent so much time away from my family that I've changed so much that they don't recognize me either. The first morning I was home I woke at an obscenely eary hour (jetlag) so I've been awake awhile and my mom comes out into the kitchen at like 7:30 and says to me "Do you want me to make you eggs for breakfast?" Eggs? Eggs? The woman is my mother and has known me for 26 years, has fed me basically every meal for 18 of those 26 years and she asks me if i want eggs. I cracked uplaughing and asked her when she has ever seen me aeat an egg? She was a bit thoughful and said "oh yeah, you dont eat them." Weird because everytime my family goes out to breakfast its always a huge ordeal for me because everything on a breakfast menu consists of 8 types of eggs or omlettes, I can never eat breakfast out. I'm always stuck with tea and toast.

Someone pass the poached pears....how does one make poached pears? god, i love those things....

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