2002-08-08, 12:00 p.m.,

I'm absolutely addicted to this book called "Tipping the Velvet" and only last night, as I kept myself up reading until 2:30 am did i finally find out what "tipping the velvet means" and oh dear, i feel a bit embarrassed now for announcing to everyone the title of the book I'm reading. It takes place in 1890's Victorian London and I'm hoping it's just a slang that no one knows the meaning of anymore. Fantastic book. its quite a big book, but i've been absolutely insatiable over it.

So last night while reading something in the book made me think of Abby and I was just kind of thinking to myself how far i've come in terms of letting her go. How in two years, i've been quite different with letting her go and letting things rest. I was thinking a few days ago about emailing mrs kinchy, (just to check in) but i'm afraid that it'll just re-enlist me into my pseudo obligations of being her daughter. So i'll wait for her to contact me. I'm now wondering, as I write this out, if it's become less frustrating (if frustrating is the correct word) for maxie to deal with me letting her go. I think I used to talk about her far more than i do now, not because i feel like i can't, but just cuz i feel like i dont think of her as much and I realizing that I can't change the past. I'm wondering if it's eaier or harder for her thinking that I may be thinking of her all the time....hmmm..dunno really, I'll have to ask her about it if she doesnt read it here first. I mean i wonder if it became frustrating for her thinking that I was trying to keep her alive because I didnt want to let her memories go, but then I wonder, if she were to lose me...how long would i want her to keep me alive in her everyday thoughts and such? Blah i dunno, I'm being far too thoughtful today.

Tomorrow we go away! I can't wait. I'm so looking forward to relaxing, reading, taking super long baths in the spa. We've been so busy with working and running around setting up the ceremony it's been quite intense and tiring. It'll be lovely to get away.

Still working on trying to get the money back on my credit card, those bastards. The bloody company send me emails for like 4 different companies all claiming that thats the company to fix it, and mind you all of them are in germany, finland, sweeden. it's unreal. I've cut them off at my bank and the bank tells me it could be 2 months to recover the money...the fuckers. I wonder how many people they just randomly charge 100 dollars to and give them months of the run around hoping the person will give up and forget it. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it isnt about the money...now, its all about principle. I wouldnt care if it were 3 dollars, the bastards, they won't win.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
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