2002-11-06, 2:20 p.m.,

Second entry today, but i just remembered some things I wanted to put in here and I didnt the first time.

We've been going to the pool for a few months now and despite my work schedule, I still try to get there at least 3 or 4 times a week. It's been really good for me actually for a lot of reasons. One, my heart, my bad ticker that doesnt work as it should, is feeling a lot better since I've been swimming, giving me better cardiovascular health. I've noticed it, I don't get the little dizzy spells and my heart doesnt skip as much like it used to. And here's the big confession time.....I was actually (and still am) afraid of swimming. I can do it, but I'm not really confident about it. I get really panic-stricken in water that's over my head and I absolutely refuse to go into any body of water I have no control over (Anything with waves basically.)

Reason being, as a child (about 3) I drowned. Now I know everyone will think "no, you're still alive, so you didn't drown" but I did. I was underwater for quite some time and I did stop breathing, heart stopped, everything. I had to be resuscitated. I was on a holiday at a pool that had stairs that went into the "shallow end" probably about 3.5 feet. My mother allowed me to go into the swimming pool on the condition I stayed on the stairs and held the railing, so basically, not actually getting into the pool. Trouble was, after playing a bit there, I slipped and hit my head on the concrete steps and went under. I know I've talked about rememebering it, being underwater and knowing i was drowing. But it was really a calm experience, probably due to the good wallop on the head, i dunno. Anyway, ever since, I've never been a real swimming enthusiast. But yesterday while swimming laps I noticed something. I noticed that when my muscles began to get tired, I didn't go into the panic mode, where my heart rate shoots up and my breathing gets way quicker until I get to the other end of the pool, where i can catch my breath. That didnt happen this time and I think I'm really getting over the whole fear thing. Yay me!!

Now if I can just work on my fear of chickens.......

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
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