2003-01-24, 9:35 a.m.,

I realized last night that I don't sleep very well. I never really have actually. I'm a terribly light sleeper and sometimes I think that if the neighbors downstairs would drop their pillow on the floor during the night, I'd wake up. But last night I realized that on a usual night I'll wake up anywhere between 5 and maybe 8 times and just fall back asleep immediately, only ever actually getting out of bed once or twice. The thing is, even when I'm sleeping I still feel like I'm aware of the room around me, like i'm eternally in that half awake half asleep stage, which perhaps is why I have so many dreams, sometimes 4 or 5 a night. It's very strange.

On an entirely differnt note, sometimes i feel like when I call home and hear about all the trouble my sister is having with Aidan's father, and the struggles of her single mom life, I feel so guilty I'm not there pulling my weight as a family member to help her out. But it's not like I can fly in this weekend just to babysit. But wouldnt that be lovely?

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