2003-05-08, 10:30 a.m.,

I've spent most of the morning online trying to find something to send to my mother for mother's day seeing as how I was a terrible daughter and didnt send anything for their anniversary. I can't begin to tell how frustrating it is to shop for everyone I know via the internet and converting it all to Aussie dollars.

Anyway, the good news is that I found a place I can shop for stuff and get frequent flyer miles, so now I have just bumped myself over the required amount for a free flight in the US. Saving that us for when Maxie and I finally get over there. Thats the good news.

I finally emailed Abby's mother back. Did I mention in here that she emailed me to do her yearly check in and also telling me that she's cleaning out a bunch of abby's things because she's selling the house and wanted to know if I wanted her to send more of her stuff. I had a bit of trouble with this one because I felt like I'd be hurting her feelings by saying that I didnt want anything else of hers. While part of me said "yes, send it all" I made the decision that more of her things would just give me more to dwell on and everyone knows I just dont need that or I'll never ever move on. In theory, she's doing the same thing as I am, cleaning out her memory. I thought she'd probably understand my reluctance and not think that I'm being cold. But it feels cold, It feels heartless to tell a mother I have no wish to keep anything more of what once belonged to her daughter, what once belonged to a girl I loved more than myself. I suppose she’s doing the same thing, however, cleaning out her collection of artifacts from a girl long gone. Wiping off the dust and determining if a box full of pots and pans taken from a kitchen packed up and moved out three years ago is worth keeping.

In the end I told her I've been feeling really homesick lately and that more things from home would probably make it worse. It's lame, I know.....

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27

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