2003-08-22, 9:00 a.m.,

I've been back in the swing of working really hard on my book and I'm so proud of myself because I've figured out how to beat the computer system here at work so i can now post in my diary, although I still haven't managed to figure out how to check my bloody email. But slowly I'll get this stupid access denial thing beat. Blah to the IT department people, I stomp on their heads.

So yes, working on my book like crazy lately. I thikn it put me off because I was up to the whole "damian" thing and I just didn't feel like writing about it, well, editing what I'd already written about it anyway. I was wondering to myself yesterday...if my relationship with Abby still existed today, like if we'd had all that past together and delt with all the things we did together and she wasn't dead, would any of this be interesting at all? If my book wasn't about a girl that died and blah blah blah...would anyone want to read it?

I got my medicare care in the mail, sso that makes my mom really happy to know that I now have medical coverage. She's always so worried about me, probably because I'm a bit notorius for doing thing like burning myslef, cutting myself, stupid things that just happen to me. Funny thing is, one of the first questions I asked Maxie when I got the card is if it "hypothetically speaking" covered going to a shrink. Hmm..somehow I sense I'll be needing to do that in the not so distant future. Maybe I'm just having a blah spell, but I'm the first to admit my head doesn't always run smoothly or quietly.

One of my friends who never ever locks her diray has just done so and when I asked for the password she said to me "well the thing is I'm writing lots of personal things in there lately and I'd like to keep it to myslef." So Immediately I assumed she's writing horrible things about me in it. I'm being paranoid and narcissistic, I know.....

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