2003-10-19, 9:32 a.m.,

If anyone reads maxine's diary they may have already read about this, but I really shouldn't assume everyone who reads mine reads her and tell my own bit.

I think there's certain moments that come along in your life to simply test out the type of person you are and what your willing to risk for a bit of something risque, sensuous and new. These things come along and broadside you in the weirdest moment and suddenly you find yourself in the middle of it going "this is it, if I don't be who I am now, I'm weaker than I'll ever be."

We went to a dinner party at a friends house last night. We all got absolutely off our faces drunk. The party thinned out to 6 people. Maxie and I, one of Maxine's Ex's and her now boyfriend our host Amanda and this male friend of her's who's gay. By about 1 a.m. the four girls wandered up into amanda's room to have girl chats and we're chatting about sex and we're all so drunk and uninhibited about discussion it, it's basically slumber party style all of us lying on the bed talking about sex. Amanda has this thing for Maxie's ex and the two of them have had a bit of on again off again flings. (Yes the lesbian scene in sydney is all very incestuous, everyone is someone's ex at some point.)Then amanda dumps out this backpack full of toys, proudly displaying her wares, voicing her concern that we are a toy free home ;).

Suddenly somehow amanda and Suzy are just joking around and at one end of the room full on making out and maxie and I are still on the bed kinda getting it on a bit going "um, isn't suzy's boyfriend downstairs with amanda's gay boy?" And then the girls come over and are all cuddly huggy-kissy with us and while it was probably bordering on the slightly shadey side of things, virtually it was all harmless. No hot and heavy making out, just little kisses and a bit of touchy feely, all in good fun sort of thing.

Then the boys walked in.....

And like true boys not wanting to miss an oportunity to jump into a heavily heavily intoxicated 3 lesbian, 1 bisexual girl on girl on girl on girl potential orgy action they immediately hit the bed and Suzy's (maxie's ex) boyfriend immediately loses his shirt and starts undoing his girlfriends pants and my little voice in my head went ......"ahem Gwen, don't mean to disturb your little friendly girl cuddle session, but you are starting to tread on some dangerous ground here and while everyone is quite drunk, if someone doesn't blow the whistle here and now, everyone's going to be very naked and very fucked (both literally and metephorically ) in a very bad way. So unless you'd like this to be the situation and risk what you've got with your wife and make things really uncomfy in the morning it might be time to speak up."

SO I very casually worked my mouth to my beautiful wife's ear and whispered "if we don't go home now, things are doing to be very dangerous." At which point she immediately agreed and we both kind sat up, shrugged off the bodies and gave it all a bit of a giggle and went "ok kiddies that was fun let's call it a night, all go home and now shag our repective partners senseless."

Everyone immediately thought it a good idea, laughed it off, we all had our goodbyes and headed home in the wee hours of the morning. Maxie and I haven't really been able to stop chatting about the absolute oddness of it.

I feel like a good person today, one who can both trust and enjoy my partner, enjoy the fact that other people want inside her knickers and have that be a complement to what I've got. But I know what I value and what I'm not willing to risk. I know my boundaries and I can respect them and keep them in tact when everything else makes it so easy to let them go.

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