2004-06-17, 10:06 p.m.,

Here's a pathetic tale...

I had dinner with a male friend of mine last night and we always have these huge epic conversations an he's really great for that. So we have dinner and then go for a night walk around the opera house (yep, in Sydney you can do that.) So it's night time and we're chatting and we get all the way to the back or the opera house where it's all dark and nothing around really but the water and I get all panic stricken because I still have this horrible phobia about being alone with a guy. Now Ryan is gay and I really shouldn't have to worry...but that's how I was duped before.

And Ryan noticed it. And he asked me if I was ok and if if he's said something to upset me and I'm walking with more space between us and thinking about how I can get away from him quickly if I had to. Even to the sad point where I thought to myself that if I had to jump intot he water at least I'd draw attention to us. So I said "no I'm fine, just cold" and started walking back. Then a female jogger ran around the corner and suddenly I was ok......

But he knew something was up and he didn't want to ask and I'll bet he thinks he said something to hurt my feelings but I couldn't explain it to him, so I just let it go.

Sad.

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