2005-03-22, 4:03 p.m.,

I’m always so surprised when people say that they are a friend to someone and yet, by my definition, they really aren’t. So let me pose a situation:

You screw up. Keep screwing up and just can’t get things to make sense. As a result you start doing things that hurt people, hurt yourself, damage your relationships with people who care about you and really just mess up your life in general. Unable to get your head sorted out, you go to your friends for advice. Here’s the test folks (thinking caps on) Who is the true friend?

Friend A who says: “I just want you to be happy. I’ll support whatever you choose,” pats you on the head, coddles you and thereby passively encourages you to continue your self-damaging behaviour because hey it’s not their life and it makes for good drama and makes them feel needed. It’s the easy way to care. Say “call me if you need me” sit back and relax--the job is done. They played the “good friend” role. They may sit around and watch you cry, buy you a beer, but you know they’ll always keep an emotional distance and never really help you solve the problem within yourself. But at least you have company in your destruction.

Or Friend B who pulls you aside, whacks you upside your head, tells you what an absolute idiot you’re being, and forces you to look at yourself for who you really are and see you through all the crap that it takes to fix it. And lets face it; most people will do absolutely anything and everything to avoid facing who they really are. Friend B might not have a huge host of friends, but the ones they have know that they are getting honesty and advice that comes from love, not advice that comes from trying to “keep the peace” or trying to remain neutral no matter what the cost.

Which friend do you want?

My friends are friend B’s. Maxie’s are friend A’s.

The next time she has an emotional issue and walks away from something good, leaving herself with nothing—again. Well, let’s weigh up which friends are really doing us a favour.

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My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
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