2005-04-28, 8:47 p.m.,

Jamais vu....
It's the opposite of deja vu.

When you see something a million times a day and suddenly don't recognise it anymore.

I don't recognise her anymore and I suppose it's a combination of her seeming so unhappy when I saw her last or her simply changing so much from the person I used to love so fiercly. She insists she hasn't changed, but today I was cleaning out my email and found these old emails full of things she said to me 4 years ago, things that she meant (or at least i believe she meant so wholeheartedly when she wrote them.) And I read them and think "this is not the woman I see now....I don't know who she became." And of course I've changed too-- I suppose everyone does, but I loved her absolutely and unconditionally until she ended it and at least I have that. At least I know at the end of it all I loved her ever day of that relationship with the same, if not more, intensity then when it first began and my love never paled in all that time.

The owner of our house has decided that she wants to sell it, which gives me the option to move out now, earlier than I thought. Still need to find a new place that I can put both our names on the lease......but I guess it leaves me with options I didn't have before.

When the leash of immigration is released, I wonder if we'll ever need each other at all?

On brighter things....I've got another epic trip this December. New York, New Orleans, Scotland, Morroco, South Africa, Thailand and home. Round the world again.....and it'll all look so different this time, visiting different people, differnt places.

Prev, Next

- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


newest entry older entries guestbook email me diaryland evilgnome designs