2005-06-06, 2:00 p.m.,

Always seem to come back from the weekends with lots to tell. This weekend was so busy that it was no exception. I got my hair done on Thursday and it's shorter and much much darker now, like a very dark, blood red with black through it. I'm pretty happy with it as I should be for the fortune I had to pay for it.

Anyway, I was at the hairdresser and the woman next to me was going on and on about how her husband is terrified of flying and her job requires her to go overseas about 8 times a year. She was saying how it's a shame because he refuses to travel with her because he wont fly and she says "yeah it's disappointing because I imagine there's nothing more wonderful than being able to travel all over the world with your partner and have those memories of being in exotic places and having those adventures together."

I so badly wanted to tell her that it's over rated, that all those memories of travelling and being in unique places and sharing those adventures really don't mean much of anything in the long term of it all. Yeah sure, it's a great time while you're there but it's not going to bring you any closer in your relationship because of it.

Anyway, had a weird emotional night on Friday. I suddenly had this panic that we wouldn't get the visa and after all the things I've lost by coming here and investing so much of myself into 4 years and getting burnt so badly by not only my partner but my best friend....well, yeah I started really worrying. The trouble is that Nicole is absolutely perfect. She makes me so happy and we're so very alike in nearly every way and I'm so terrified of falling in love so deeply that I end up leaving myself open to being hurt. Or what if I don't get the visa and I lose her too? Anyway, I guess it's just me realising how much she's becoming part of my life and how much I care about her and how scary that is. With Max, I suppose I knew exactly where I stood and what I risked. Well when I had her with me, we weren't at risk of losing anything really in terms of the visa.

Saturday was a great night as I had Sarah, had a brilliant afternoon with Nicole and then we went out and caught up with friends for a drink. Sunday I spent the entire day with Nicole, we cooked dinner, went out to do a bit of shopping, a bit of a wander around. Nothing too eventful, but just really great. I need to just stop freaking myself out with worry I think.

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