2005-10-06, 9:36 a.m.,

Things around my work environment are a bit strange. Right now I知 the only single little soul running my mag, but I知 surrounded by folks who are doing theirs and it痴 really weird and competitive as everyone has to fight for the attention of the designers and and resources. Very competitive here.

I guess at the old publisher, my mag was the most fun and everyone wanted to work on it, here it just another title and I知 the girl who does the whole mag on her own because I haven稚 found anyone that I think is good enough to work with me on it. Today I interview another person, will see how it goes. I知 starting to realise how absolutely psychotically possessive I am about this mag. It is my baby and right now its the only thing I知 comfortable enough to put al my love and attention and efforts into without feeling like I値l get fucked over in the end.

I guess its stupid, but this mag is the only thing I can trust to have 100 percent of the time. I can now see how people fall in love with their careers. It痴 pretty good that the girl is so busy and wrapped up with hers as well. Her dad is retiring this year which means the company and its employees and all the responsibility of running it are in her tiny little hands. But she a thousand times stronger than she looks and I adore her for it.

There痴 this girl I work with who I cant really read. When she found out I was a lesbian she keeps making comments about how I should take her out with me and how she壇 like to give it a go just for the experience of it. She痴 a really cool girl, smart, funny, pretty and just , yeah great. I just can稚 read her, sometimes I cant tell if she痴 flirting or just being cheeky/friendly. She痴 always asking about my girl and yesterday told me that Nic was so lucky to have me.

She sits about a meter from me and yesterday I leaned over to ask her a question and it went a bit like this:

ME: 塗ey, I have a question for you.
Her: 鄭re you going to ask me out?
ME: (politely laughing) No.
Her: 添ou going to invite me to the ladies room for a pash?
Me: Um, no.
Her: That痴 ok, I知 fasting for Ramadan. Couldn稚 eat anything anyway. (as which point she does the girly giggle thing)
ME: I thought you weren稚 fasting...
Her: If I say I知 not do I get to shag you in the loo?
Me: No.
Her: Oh, ok, that痴 a shame. Well go ahead and ask the question...

And then I have to ask her some seriously nerdy question that was about grammar because I was sub-editing an article. Seriously. She just stared at me with this smirk on her face while I知 talking about grammar, making me really nervous.

How am I meant to respond to this when I really genuinely can稚 tell if she痴 just taking the piss out of me and goofing around or if she痴 seriously flirting.
So weird.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
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