I think lately I'm caring so much less about things i can't really change. Suddenly everything seems pretty real and not so sugar coated and I'm ok with that. things don't have to be clean and tidy and in their place.
It's weird to be at work, but good as well. I miss being busy with this sort of work and not just busy packing and unpacking and bouncing back and forth from one hotel to another airport and round again.
I was painfully reminded of the film lost in translation while bumbling around lonely in the few odd asian airports, particularly tokyo.
Tokyo, where when on an elevator a loudspeaker squaks out a loud unfamiliar language for about five minutes and then finishes in english by telling you to please consider the elevator.
Consider it what? Do they mean the elevator you are already in?
Then you go into the bathrooms and are both mervelled and perplexed at the remote control sized panel on the side of the toilet with random buttons for "flushing noises" that last for 25 seconds but don't actually flush the water anyway (so the instructions on the wall say) because it's considered unlady-like for anyone else to hear you pee. Or the remote buttons for both the bidet and posterior wash that are described as being available "for your hygene and pleasure."
Strange little place. I found myself awake at 5 in the morning at a hotel in Hong kong, alone and over laden with jet lag and watching the only channel in English, which unlike Paris was not CNN but a weird channel that showed documentaries. This particular one was on bride burning in India when the families don't offer enough dowry or don't continue to pay dowries after a marriage the husband sets his wife on fire. apparently far more common than you might think. Really horrific but what else was there to watch or do in the wee hours of the am?
Alongside the realisation that chaos and mess is ok, and that i can't stress about cleaning up messes and am quickly losing the desire to do so....i've also gain an appreciatation for the psuedo intellectual. The masters of using cryptic language and boundless words to boost a fake intellect.
It's comforting and amusing at the same time.
today I start my quest to book tickets for hawaii. Both a birthday trip for us and a halfway point to get to my brother's wedding in may.
Right now it seems so far away, but i know how quickly it'll be here.
And my girl's mother gave me a ring for christmas, this stunnign white gold, diamond and emerald thing that was really too much, but meant so much to me because none of them celebrate christmas and just that she thought of me and that i did, means so much.
the acceptance we've been blessed with in her family and in mine makes everything seem so good.