2006-01-09, 12:07 p.m.,

Not to sound ungrateful but there comes a time when all this running about from hotel to hotel for the mag becomes a serious pain in the ass. Tonight we are going to Pittwater to check out a hotel there. They redid the entire restaurant and the woman who does the PR wants me to come and have dinner and stay the night and whatnot for the mag. It's really one of the last things I feel like doing today, but I don’t mean to be ungrateful. Just sick of being busy, I guess. And it doesn’t help when she rang me literally 6 times on Friday (it became an office joke) to essentially tell me how to do my job. This is her first hotel client and she rings me and invites me to do this thing them tells me everything I need to do when I get there, who I need to meet with, which photos I should get and etc. As if I have never done a site inspection before. As if I haven't had to do about 8 of these a month.

I'm sure she meant well, but seriously after the 6th call, I was about 2 seconds from telling her that after this I will never ever do anything with any of he clients because I cant tolerate hearing her voice on the other end of the phone anymore. So yeah, Pittwater tonight and tomorrow. Not to be ungrateful or anything.

And this weekend was really great. Spent Saturday with my little sister who I hadn't seen in about 5 weeks. Little sister through the YWCA little sister's program, not biological sister. And she was so precious because she asked me "Hey..when I'm 18 and we have to break up, what happens?" it cracked me up, what a cutie she is.

Saturday I also went to a friends birthday and had a great night. Finally had the "ice breaking" chat with Chantal. Where essentially she apologised for lying to me and backstabbing me and we had a brief chat about all of us taking on responsibility for what happened between the three of us and I told her that I didn't hate her, that I had no desire to be her friend but that I didn't hate her. I think it's been really hard for the people involved to understand that there was two very separate issues. One being the threesome that ruined her relationship with her girl and mine with Max and then the two of them getting together. For which I completely accept an equal third of the responsibility and fault on that one and harbour no anger about. The other issue, and the more important one is that she lied to me on a heap of occasions. Telling me she had feelings for both if us, particularly max and then swearing on her life that she will never ever come between us, that she wouldn’t ever dream of acting on it. Then reassuring me that our friendship was more important to her than ruining a marriage. Luring me into security and telling me, it’s ok, it’s ok, let me help fix things, let me help work it out, going for walks with me and sitting outside with me having these heart to heart chats, pretending to be my friend, swearing loyalty and all the while moving her way in between us. That’s where my anger rested. But now I realise I have no intention of ever being her friend again (and told her that on Saturday) so it doesn’t matter that I don’t trust her. She seemed relieved that we chatted and I was relieved that people stopped asking me if it was weird being there with the awkward tension.
However the rest of the night she went out of her way to be overly nice to me, kept grabbing my hand and wanting me to go dance, etc. It was endearing in a way, but if she’s under the impression that because I told her that I don’t hate her and because I acknowledged her presence in a room means we are chums or even aquantences really, I think she’s sadly mistaken. I guess nothing has really changed other than hopefully now the weird mutual friend tension will cease and hopefully she feels better for apologising and now she realises that my anger had very little to do with the three of us as much as just she and I and how she thought I was a fool and lied to my face, pretending max wasn’t hiding in the back room letter her do the fake nicey nicey “I’m your friend, it’s all ok” battle for both of them.

After the chat another friend of mine came up to me straight away to ask if I was ok and I was like “yes I am fine. We are all fine., Please people find a new pastime and let us all move on.” and she goes into this “The night you came to my house when she lied to you about max being there, my heart broke and I knew that they would lie to save themselves from any sort of respect and honesty. And I knew I lost my trust in two friends as well.” I was nearly in tears, thankful that someone finally understood why I had been so hurt over the past year. Finally someone being able to see past the three of us shagging and realise it wasn’t about sex. It was about being lied to by people who were never meant to lie to you.

Anyway, I seriously hope this shuts up the gossip, stops the politics of who can be invited to where and lets us all get the hell on with it. I think we are all bloody exhausted and tired of being angry.

So we awoke Sunday and had a great day in Bondi, despite the circumstances of why we were there and just enjoyed spending the day together and having lunch and doing some shopping and just coming home to lots of kisses and cuddles and peace and quiet. Hopefully Pittwater will be just as lovely tonight, assuming the stalking PR lady doesn’t ring me again today. $50 says she rings me on Wednesday to find out how it went......

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27

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