2006-05-17, 11:44 a.m.,

I think I'm the worlds biggest packrat. I hang on to everything, although I've gotten much better at it over the years the one thing I still have problems with is clothes. I have enough clothes to dress everyone in china. Seriously. And the thing is I really only wear about 30% of them. Itís not like I spend a fortune on clothes, I donít. I just hoard them and attach personal emotions to articles of clothing that I canít bear to let them go.

I have pieces of clothing that were Abbyís simply because they were hers. Clothes she wore when she was 16 things that no human has worn in 15 years. I have a little black velvet dress from a holiday party I went to when I was about 14. Like I will ever wear it again. Itís about the size of my thigh, but it brings back good memories to look at it.

And now that Iím losing weight, a vast amount of my clothes are so big. Really Itís baffling to realise how big my ass must have been when just last week I was so shocked that I had to show my girl the new trick I could do. Pull my jeans off without undoing them at all. And these are jean I bought in December that fit then. 5 months....although I donít think I look much thinner.

So this weekend Iím buying clothes that fit me on the condition that Iím going into my room with a garbage bag and making a sizable donation to the good will shop. Everything must go , no matter what emotions or sentiments surround them. Abbyís clothes that make me remember the times she wore them, my teenage holiday party dress, the skirts that arenít really fashionable anymore but are made of really nice fabric that I always say Iím going to make into a bag and never ever do, the commitment ceremony dress that makes me feel like Iíve swallowed a baseball every time I see it, the frilly sundresses that never get worn, the clothes that have tiny stains on them that I think I should hold onto in case I ever need clothes to paint in so get dirty in...seriously, itís a problem.

Everything gone.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


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