2006-07-09, 9:51 p.m.,

Even though I don't see her quite as frequently much lately, when I do see her, at those random moments like coming by in a taxi at 2 in the morning to bring me to hers on a friday night to kiss me like she does. Yeah, it almost hurts.

Meanwhile Saturday I went to look at that house. I hope I get it. I think I have a pretty good shot. Its funny because with Ned, I do have a pretty limited amount of places to choose from. I need to get a house with a courtyard, to have him in a unit where he might bark and annoy neighbours, well, it's too hard and not fair to him.

So what happens is that I end up paying more for a place when I could easilt get something nicer and cheaper, but I wouldn't have him.

Truth is, when Maxie and I got Ned, I didn't really want him. He's a smaller dog and I simply am not a small dog person. She wanted him and I wanted her to have him. Over time, I got used to him and now, aftr being here for 5 years and this move being mine and his 5th house, he's really the only thing that's stayed constant.

When Max left, I wanted to keep him because at the time I felt abandon and really alone and he was good company and well, still a part of her. Since then, I guess I just like having him here as a constant. The only thing that's stayed the same since I've been here.

Now, well, he's her dog, but I take care of him, from food to the vet to pet sitters when I travel. Max doesn't visit him, doesn't mind him when I travel, doesn't even asked about him. I don't resent her for it, in a way it would be nice on some level to give up the responsibility of him.

Nic adores him, everyone who meets him does really. And I know that there are places he could go and people who would love to take care of him.

But if I gave him up, I'd give up the one and only thing that doesn't change.

So until then, I'm living in older sytle houses with more expensive rent, because I can't let go of him.

Should I get this house it'll need a bit of polishing up, assuming the real estate gives it a good clean before I move in. But it'll be a good place for us I think. Fingers crossed we get it.

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