2006-08-31, 3:56 p.m.,

Now that all the travel stuff has settled, the mag is off deadline for a few weeks and for the most part the launch stuff is done and left in the care of my dear event managing friend the bulk of my distractions have circled around one word. Girls. A distraction that shouldn’t be an issue but it’s driving me mad.

The first I met at an event eons ago and again at a few events since. She’s this vaudeville performer /burlesque sort of chic who is doing the entertainment at my launch, absolutely adorable, incredibly endearing and hell bent on keeping me wondering if she’s even a lesbian. She’s a hardcore flirt, but being a performer I imagine that’s her schtick in that “Dita Von Tease” sort of way. Anyway, she calls me pretending to have questions about the launch, keeps me on the phone for an hour, giggles away, makes me very very nervous, makes my palms all clammy and my heart race just over the phone and never ever ever gives anything away, no matter how well prompted or directly asked. It’s painfully torturous.

And then there’s the girl who I loved spending time with, we get along like a house of fire and she’s so keen to date properly. She’s had a girlfriend before and says that when they broke up it hurt her far more than breaking up with any guy that it’s kept her from dating girls again for awhile. Trouble is I know I would be the crappiest girlfriend in the world to her, particularly at this moment when having a proper girlfriend isn’t my top priority and I don’t think emotionally I could be a great girlfriend right now. I think she’s taken this really personally and when I say I don’t want a girlfriend she hears “I don’t want you as my girlfriend”. Regardless I still like spending time with her casually but I think the longer it goes on and the closer we become the more complicated it’s going to become. And I’m afraid that point has already passed particularly as I’ve been and will be spending a considerable amount of time with her lately.

And here's a story that started about a month and a half ago. I was at an event where I had a bit of an encounter with a girl who at one stage was on the Aussie version of Big Brother about 3 years ago.

Long story very short, she has a boyfriend that she has absolutely no intention of leaving for “career image” reasons and truthfully, she’s the straightest straight girl in the world. Despite this, she’s convinced she’s a lesbian, or at the very least bi and has been relentless contacting me and wanting to spend time with me as her only contact to the lesbian world.

But it’s weird because despite every thing about her that’s really attractive, great and wonderful she has this underlying selfishness and cruelty that only the weak have. That type of cruelty they possess only to protect themselves.

I can’t explain it better than that, but I’ve seen it and although it’s never been in my direction, there’s something about her that makes me feel very unsettled. She’s nice yes, she’s fun, yes. Do I want her involved in my life. No.

I think I’ve had my fill of people like that in my lifetime and although the charm is there, she’s be a disaster to be around. A disaster I’d be smarter to do without. Trouble is I’m doing a story on her entertainment manager for the next issue and she’s now this really bloody amazing performing musician who works as one of the shows he manages and while I’m doing this story we keep crossing paths. It’s bit stressful and strange and awkward to manage at the moment.

And then there’s Stieny. Who I can’t and won’t begin to write about here because I wouldn’t know where to begin.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


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