2006-09-09, 5:55 p.m.,

"let me guess," she said. "You're feeling like you've just been menmtally and emotionally raped by letting this book go to the world at large and now you've put it all out there and you're feeling really helpless?"

I was silent until she started laughing through the phoneline. "I was the same way for about a month surrounding each of my launches, it doesn't get easier, my dear."

I don't want her in Hong Kong, she's like my literary mother and I needed her last night to hold my hand and tell me how to do it with a thicker skin. To not let my emotions, which have been an absolute disaster the past few weeks, hijack my every minute.

She said to me "After the first launch, I seriously thought about killing myself because I thought "this is it, it's all I'm meant to do and everyone is proud of you and telling you how great you are and you feel like you've sold your soul, right?"

And it's true. Had I died last night I would have been ok with that.

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