2006-12-12, 2:11 p.m.,

Strange weekend, very busy and it was great catching up with Thea, can't believe how much time went since I'd seen her last. It�s been really busy and tonight is the first night in ages where I haven�t had anything on and I�m finding as I was saying to the girl last night that I almost don�t know what to do with myself when I�ve got a night at home.

Got news yesterday that my sister miscarried. She�s so disappointed and I spoke to her briefly yesterday and it really broke my heart not to be there with her. Over the weekend we went to this BBQ and the girls has a couple of friends who have decided to do the whole baby thing. Just talking to them made me so very clucky again. This year to me seems so much about settling and sorting myself out. I�m trying to be responsible and pay off my bills and such to save up for a house deposit because buying a house in Sydney is like buying a condo in centre city Manhattan. It�s outrageously expensive. And then next year I�m going to serious start researching the �do it yourself � baby thing.

The girl is incredibly supportive and clucky as well, which is really exciting but a HUGE ask when you haven�t been dating that long. So I reckon I�ll give it a year and go about it regardless of where I am or who I�m with and if I do it alone so be it, if not then even better. And I htink after yesterday and seeing how easily it can be lost I think I shouldnt just assume it'll all go well the first time so I can keep putting it off until later in life.

But for now it�s all about sorting everything out before the big close up Christmas rush. Work holiday party on Friday. Last year it was an endless massive piss up full of drunken debauchery that�s still talked about now. I�m a bit unsure about going, I have to go but the thought of a heap of alcohol sort of makes me a bit queasy lately.

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