2001-08-14, 11:31 p.m.,

hmm...wonder if i'll go my entire life hurting people? lets see...add them up:

Anie- i wanted more from her than she could ever give me and now i have her just about as far away as i could get her, i thnkif i were to die tonight and she found out about it months later she'd say "oh i wish i would have been a better friend to her i feel so bad, perhaps i would have noticed she died...

Abby- self explanatory. will i ever in my lifetime get over her? What if....what if i were better to her, what if i hadnt kicked her out of my room that night? what if i could have helped her more, think she'd still be alive?

Rachael- probably the largest leach in the world, i did all i could to help her and then dropped her and she withered away and is back no better than when i found her.

Katelyn- has done nothingbut love me as best as she can considering her circumstances, and now that that isnt enough any longer, i turn my back on her for something else.

and now its seems that i may end up destroying maxine's life. am i insane to think i can make this work? i must be, she's thousands of miles away, its ridiculous right? right? cuz it isnt feelign that ridiculous to me right now....and what if things dont work? i've hurt her so much and really have shaken her world up and what if it does? i spend my life finding a way to live as a legal resident of australia or removed her completely from her country and bring her here to soem foreign place where she knows no one?

yep, i'm feeling like the worst person on the planet tonight......

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