2001-08-21, 7:23 p.m.,

so i'm here looking for her, thinking for sure she'd be here, and her user name says "away" oh darling, where are you.....i miss you so much.....

I decided to ignore anies email and not write her back giving her the sttention she wants, and today i get this:

"there is this one undeniable truth. i feel it. i know it. i can tell when you rest your head on my lower stomach. (i am sorry for what i have to do.. someday things will be different.)

i have been going through so much the past few weeks, you have no idea. i wouldn't even know where to begin."

and thats it...... she is by far the queen of vague....I'm giving up.... until she calls to talk to me, i may as well not exist to her any longer.

I've been working so much, its so frustrating making so very little money to begin with, its killing me being so poor and i just realized i have to find an extra 300 big benjamin franklins to register my car....i swear this commission thing sucks, but today we gpot our commission statements and helen has been there literally 3 months and had a commision check of about 1500 dollars --3000 in aussie bucks, maxine ;) -- for one week ONE week.....ron pulled stacey and colleen and i aside and told us, "i know its frustrating right now, but helen is almost as new as you guys are, once you build your client base up, you guys will have that also." I cant wait....i need to be in australia as soon as humanly possible. I miss her so much.

I had some really odd nightmares again, i want to look them up, that guy was in my dream again, same one as always...wonder who he is, perhaps an amalgom of things or people in my past, but he keeps appearing, always in nightmares, i gotta try to look up what this one meant, but i awoke around 2:30 in the morning unable to fall asleep, my heart was racing and i couldnt breath very well....i wanted to get out of bed and call her, to tell her how much i love her and how much i need her in my life, but i didnt want to bother her at work again....

oh well, time to check my email then get offline, hopefully she'll show up by then......

Prev, Next

Diaryrings: