Although I've already posted once today, there's no rule that says I can't keep going, so here goes:
I've been told something today and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm willing to commit my thoughts to words in my diary yet, but trust me, they're coming.
Trouble is, as crazy as this sounds, is that I've been working on my book pretty religiously lately and I really feel like I'm moving along with it again after a short stint of being away from working on it. I know I'm going to sound liek a complete freak to say this, but i feel like in a way Abby knows I'm writing this thing. The reason I say this is because there's times like now when all the sudden people from that time resurface all at once and I call my mom and she tells me all about how she "just bumped into Abby's mother" at the bank or mutual people we knew tell me secrets that were literally years undercover, leaving me to wonder "what the fuck?" It's like everyone wants their input on my dead ex. So go on everyone....bring it all all, I'll take it all right now please while my skin is tough enough to withstand it. Here's an open invitation to tell me the truth, tell it all and get it out of your system consequence free. You're cordially invited.
I think she knows this, she knows I'm learning more about her 3 years after her death than I ever knew of her in our 15 years of knowing each other.
And I can't stop listening to the "Babylon" song by David Grey. It just plays on my computer over and over:
Friday night I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule
Saturday I'm running wild
all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made
If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Babylon, Babylon
Sunday all the lights of London
Shining , Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me
If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Babylon
- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27