2003-04-12, 10:02 p.m.,

My apologies in advance, I'm having a grumpy night.

My parents anniversary is in a few days and I still haven't gotten them anything..I'm feeling a bit like a bad daughter. And I missed my nephews first birthday...I think I'm feeling a bit home sick, its been 9 months since I've seen any of my family or friends from home, the longest I've ever been away. And even while I was away from home I've always had my close freidns nearby. Guess who's getting homesick everyone?

And I finally settled my last day at work. In abotu 3 weeks I should be able to work legally and I told my employers that and gave them my last day as they asked me to. Then the guilt trip began because they are leaving in about 3 weeks for their honeymoon, mind you everyone I'm giving them more than a months notice. They aren't speakign to me at all and are just making for a genrally grumpy working atmosphere. Then, last week before i gave them my notie I had asked for this tuesday off to go on maxie business trip with her, just an overnight trip a few hours away, but i thought it would be nice to stay with her in a hotel for the night out of town. My boss said I could have the night off then guess what? I'm on the schedule. Now I can remind him of it and deal with another dramatic guilt trip about him not having enough staff, whine whine whine, or just blow it off and deal with it. It's all making me very grumpy. I swear the smallest drama this week and I walk out the door with a note that says:

In over a year I have bailed you both out while both of you have been in hospital (my boss for cutting his hand open, his girlfriend for her boob job) both times I worked obscene amounts of hours.I've come in to bail you both out on one hours notice, I've NEVER called out of a shift. I've given you one months notice and agree to continue to work on sunday evenings until you return from your honeymoon, two months from now. You've known since day one that I've been applying for my permenant residence and I refuse to be subject to the drama and made to feel guilty over wanting to get back to my career I've worked hard to establish.

Then I'll walk out. I'm preparing the wording of the note in my head...I swear I may have to use it soon.

Last night I had a dream about finding a broken down carousel. It was all dusty and broken, paint chipping and metal rusted. I woke up and looked it up in my dream dictionary and it says that it signifies disappointments that will be overcome. Hmmm... vague?

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