2005-06-20, 1:57 p.m.,

It continually amazes me when I find out how much deceit was around us back then. So much that I wonder how we even got through that last year at all and lasted as far as it did. I just hear different versions of things that happened and I never know who to believe anymore. Doesn't matter, either way I was lied to on some level.

But I know that the night at the Imperial when I sat outside crying and asking my "friend" what I can do, how I can fix it when I don't know what's wrong and she did her fucking fake comfort, telling me that it's ok, that she'd still do anything to fix it all with Trish because she knows she fucked up and she loves her, that she'll go back downstairs and talk to Max, help us work it out...than minutes later goes downstairs to be with my wife..

All those times she'd ask me to go with her for these long walks near our house and get all teary-eyed thanking me for being there for her through her break up, telling me how lucky was was to have us both, how never never ever in a million years would she ever dream of coming between us, how she'd swear on her life that she'd never betray me like that...well, who's the liar?

It just makes me absolutely ill thinking about everything else I've been deceived about. Things that i'm only bound to find out about much later when it makes no difference anymore.

So she swears on her life? If only she'd fucking pay up because she isn't worth the air she breathes.

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