2005-07-08, 10:17 a.m.,

When I saw the movie Closer in the Cinema I thought that it was so raw and truthful and just tragically beautiful. Last night I watched it again and it's so absolutely painful to watch, I nearly had to turn it off this time around. Had I not been watching it with the girl, I would have shut it off right away but the only other option was watching the news coverage of the bombings in London and like the New York attacks, I couldn't just sit there and stare at the tv, listening to the tragedy of it all, hearing people call in and tell stories while choking back tears.

I just couldn't live in that world last night. All my London-ite people that I care about are safe and I just couldn't sit and watch it over and over again.

Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of things to do before the party. I am really looking forward to one last hurrah in that house.

Last night I had a dream about the woman again. I always have these dreams about seeing her in my house and it always scares the hell out of me. Last night as we were felling asleep the girl said to me "Talk to me about some things because I feel like your house is alive." That's exactly what its like. She dominates that house with her depressing and draining energy and yet you still have to love that house and feel drawn to it.

Then I dreamt that I was in this hotel (probably because I've been spending so much time in hotels for stays and events lately) and I got out of the elevator and this room was so cold and someone was with me (can't remember who) talking about how the room was so cold and "she" was there. Then the person with me said "just blow air over there and you'll see her" so I blew air like blowing out birthday candles and her face appeared just inches from mine, staring directly in my eyes. I startled awake, heart thumping and was too afraid to get up to use the bathroom without waking the girl by turning the lights on.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


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