2001-09-10, 7:39 p.m.,

so lets see, its been awhile since i've posted a "here's whats happening in my life lately" post..so here goes:

I'm obsessed beyond belief with maxine, my darling, what am i to do until i get there to be with you?

My home is slowly falling apart,its weird sometimes i feel like i'm living with a stranger and other times, shes as wonderful as can be, she asked me last night if i would be wiling to let us be the way we were until November and if i still feel unsure about us then i can go to aussie land and not worry about her, How can i do that though? she told me last night that she wanted to tell her parents about me so that i'd know how serious she was about wanting to be with me. Telling me how i'm making such a huge mistake when we're fine now, and we are fine now--now, but what about next time she has to go away? Am i crazy for second guessing her like that when shes really quite perfect?

I had this dream last night, kind of a nighmare really, all i remember is my arms were burning, like my forearms and they had this white gauze like material wrapped aroun them and i wound it off to look at my arms and they looked like abby's did before she went int othe hospital, liek when she was REALLY bad into heroin, all marked up and lines running under her skin..i freaked me out and i awoke and i swear my clock read 6:16:16..whats up with that? i guess i wasnt focussing correctly, it was just bizarre....i dunno, whatever...

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