2001-09-21, 9:39 p.m.,

so last night i was lying in bed and thinking, well more like remembering, i was just staring at the locket on my dresser thinking "thats her, thats pieces of her, if human cloning were allowed i could take that and make another of her."

weird right?

anyway, i'm remembering, things like waking up one morning in her room in the middle of the afternoon and the phone was ringing and she slides out of bed without really standing up, just slides down the edge of her bed with her back against the side of the mattress, on the floor, half asleep, in her underwear only, talkign to her mom on the phone and i just watched her. Watched her chat and pull a little satin pouch from under her bed and use the phone cord as a torniquet to wrap around her arm for her drugs. On the phone with her mom, ptting heroin into the top of her hand, and i'm wondering, "how can her mother not know?" it seemed sacreligious.

just watching blood run down her hand, pressing her lips to it as she unwrapped the phone cord, all the while the conversation never losing a beat, maintaining that "perfect mother-daughter" theatrics.

anyway...cremains on my dresser, and i've been requested to find somethng to send for her mom to bury with the rest of them, its been a year, wonder whats taken them so long to do this?

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My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
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