2003-04-28, 10:33 a.m.,

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit blah lately. Trouble is, I can't exactly determine why. The past week or so I've been scanning through the details of who I am, what I do, where I'm going, how I plan to get there and I can't find anything that makes me go "oh yes, there it is, right there, the pinhole in the balloon."

This is going to sound really silly, but I took this quiz that determines your psychiatric level in terms of things like Paranoid, schizoid, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Antisocial, Egoist, and a bunch of other and it ranked you on a scale of low, moderate or high in terms of those qualities it deems you possess. It ranked me high as antisocial.

This has really been bothering me. Fair enough, its a stupid quiz, not exactly the most accurate medical exam, but its made me look at how I interact with people. Oh yes, and it also said I ranked moderate as an egoist.

So I started thinking about my friends, do I have any? I mean really have any? Not really. Thing is, I choose to have typically 2 or 3 really close friends and thats it, but I'd prefer that to having 40 casual friends. Its because I expect a lot of my friends, but in turn I give a lot to my friends. Since I've moved away i dont have anyone I'm that close to but Maxie. Most everyone I talk to on a regular basis lives in another country.

Anyway, I always pictured antisocial people to be those weirdos who hang at home, dont talk to anyone and build bombs why watching reruns of star trek or something.

Anyway, I'm doing this birthday thing on friday and Maxie is rounding up a bit of a gather of our friends (who are all her friends I've inherited) to go out. That probably sounds like I dont like them. I do like them, I like hanging out with them but me being a pessimistic cry baby I think "they're only coming out out of obligation because they are maxie's friends."

The world is way too small. If only I could organize my birthday gathering with my friends from all the little corners of the world.

Anyway, enough snivelling, I'll go whinge somewhere else.

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