2006-06-15, 2:48 p.m.,

I go through these phases where I have really brutal nightmares every night for about a week, then they just stop and come back randomly. Although I don't know what triggers them, wether itís stress or what, they simply just come. Each one however always involves a ghost of someone who has died either telling me how they died or me witnessing their death. And these deaths are always quite intense and frightening.

Two nights ago was one thatís really upset me. Ironically not all all violent. This time the ghost was Abby and we weer sitting in her car alone and she was so happy and telling me how much she wanted me to go with her wherever it was she was driving, but somehow I knew that if I was to go with her, it meant I would be dead too and I said to her that I didnít want to be dead. And she got this look on her face that really freaked me out. One that sort was somewhere between being afraid for me and sorry for me a and a bit angry with me at the same time and she said ďbut youíre going to be dead anyway.Ē

Now Iím not sure if she meant that in the sense that everyone is going to be dead anyway or what. But either way it freaked me out and I can only attribute it to one of two things. 1. That I found this diary that I have been reading of a girl named Abby whoís writing and events she records are so very much like hers it really really freaks me out and Iíve been reading it often lately. Or 2. That my book is ready to be launched and I am signing off to finally release this thing onto the world at large and in a way I feel a little bit like Iím betraying her a bit. Anyway, whole other can of worms. Itís just been so long since Iíve dreamt about her and once people die, you arenít meant to dream of them anymore anyway.

I spoke to Kate yesterday in yankee land and sheís so happy that Iím coming home for her birthday and sheís gone into remission, so itís two things to celebrate. Iím so excited to see her. And Iím excited to see my family and my nephews and go to my sisterís wedding.

Itís been so nice to come home in the winter months and have a bit of a play and cuddle with the girl and just do silly things, like read this god awful collection of lesbian erotica out loud in the cheesy breathless styles they so rightly require. Itís a good laugh anyway and I think weíve laughed ourselves sore over this weekend in particular. So nice really, I needed it. We both have been so busy itís been a huge relief.

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- - 2007-06-08
My absenteeism - 2007-05-24
Defining Yourself - 2007-03-19
odd sort of flatness - 2007-03-06
Welcome Home - 2007-02-27


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