2006-07-06, 12:45 p.m.,

This week has been my hell week for sure, events on nearly every night, long long days of being on my feet at a tradeshow promoting the mag. I had to make a very impromptu speech as part of a speakers panel yesterday and today I've decided to start looking for a place and sort out my Thailand media trip. The people coordinating it today rang and asked me after the event in Thailand whether I�d prefer to go to a media tour of Cambodia or Vietnam. So I�m ringing everyone I know trying to sort out which is better to go and it seems a tough call to make.

I reckon I�m going with Cambodia. Although I shudder to think what sort of visa arrangement I�ll need to work out for myself to get there. Will worry about that later because right now I�ve been on hold waiting among the other billion people ringing big brother so I can get my stupid interview. I don�t even care about the big house scandal, I just want to talk tot the technology guy and the event planner, not the damage control folks.

So yeah....still in a bit of a spin at the moment and it seems there�ll be no rest until early September when I can do the book launch and just get ready to travel to Asia.
A nap would be good, but the freaky nightmare are back on and over the past 3 days I keep seeing people in the house, not one but a few. Just quick glances and they are gone.

My friend Amy offered to take me with her to Port Douglass this morning and because I was about 3 seconds from crying I nearly said yes, even if it meant missing deadline and losing my job. There just seems to be so much going on right now that�d really out of my realm of control at the moment both with work and personal stuff that I�m finding my desire to care becoming less and less as time goes by. Not because I don�t want to care, but because I�m worn too thin at the moment. I don�t know how to explain it really. I�m just tired. Really really tired and finding I�m hardening up and caring less about things lately. Not caring less about people, just realising there�s so many things that I can�t fix and I can�t control and people I can�t legally kill that I need to just let it be. I don�t know how to explain it anymore than me realising that the overly accommodating/ motherly/ organiser me that I used to be seems to be taking an extended leave of absence.

Maybe it�s not a bad thing, but it�s not feeling too fantastic right now. It�s just heavy. That�s the only word that seems appropriate.

Deep breathing....off to a charity event tonight for breast cancer. Should be a good way to relax as there�ll be lots of fun people there to actually settle me.

Prev, Next

Diaryrings: